Rolling paper.

I could do with a cigarette later,
But I've only the one rolling paper,
And to my top lip,
It currently sticks,
And speaking of sticking, I'm stuck.

Words that rhyme with 'Later' (when pronounced in Northern English):

Gyrator
Spectator
Potato
Masturbator
Perambulator

Nope, no help whatsoever.

There's never been a better time...

...to trade in your old pantaloons for a fresh new pair. I recommend the Pantaloon Pantry, Plaistow, who have been providing pantaloon products since 1863.

While you're out, could you grab me a packet of Polos? The Plaistow Purveyors of Polos are right next door to the Pantaloon Pantry and, having been purveying Polos since 1872 (long before Polos were purveyed to the general public) are practically perfect Polo purveyors.

Polo mints and pantaloons,
All a chap needs in the afternoons,
Apart from maybe a drink and a shag,
But never an arch bishop trying out drag.

They're rubbish at it.

I woke up this morning...

...was a fetching shade of blue.
Fantastic just doesn't do justice,
To this exotic new-found hue.

I wandered into the kitchen,
grabbed myself a breakfast brew,
Rolled a fag, took a drag,
Then went and had a shower to get this bloody paint off.